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This Page - Gay Christian, Gay Christians, Lesbian Christians page for straight (heterosexual) people to understand homosexuality. (Discussions on supposed causes of homosexuality, the true definition of sexual orientation, and common stereotypes of gays and lesbians).
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What is a Gay Christian?
Perhaps you do not believe being gay is acceptable, or you are trying to understand gay people, be supportive. The easiest way for you, a straight person, to understand gays and lesbians, and homosexual sexual orientation, is to reflect on or think about your own sexual orientation.
he core to the question of whether homosexuality is determined by genetics or life processes is not about homosexual origination but rather whether or not homosexual sexual orientation is right or wrong. Whatever reasons are given, people will use them to justify their own or disprove the beliefs and theories of others.
Generally, gay people do not believe the actions, choices, or behaviors of a few straight individuals are representative of the majority of straight people, or that their activities negate the validity and value of your sexual orientation. Yet, I am sure you know some straight people who do that very thing in regards to homosexual orientation.
Dysfunctional relationship between parent and child is often believed the cause of homosexuality. This theory does not take into account you, the other sibling in the same household, who ended up heterosexual in adulthood, nor identical twins raised by different households who end up homosexual in adulthood. The "dominate mother and absent father" (or vise versa) may actually be the result of the child being homosexual, and not the cause; one parent unconsciously perceives difference in the child, not knowing how to interact begins to withdrawn, and the other parent overcompensates to fill in the gap. A dysfunctional home life or childhood does not necessarily cause sexual orientation.
The majority of male artists, chefs, ballet dancers, and ice skaters are straight. If you think women who rope cattle, or work on an oilrig are lesbian, most are actually straight. Gays and lesbians who live in countries that are more open and accepting are equally found in all occupations. In countries that are less accepting, they often gravitate to occupations that offer and create for themselves an environment of acceptance, beauty, and peace, i.e. theatre, music, art, design, etc.; such may create an environmental potential for stereotyping. Occupations culturally traditionally "feminine," yet occupied by a man, or "masculine," yet occupied by a woman, does not mean the person is or shall become gay; following traditional gender roles does not effect nor determine sexual orientation.
A child who is sexually abused by someone of the same gender does not mean that child will necessarily grow up to be gay or lesbian, but such trauma can warp and prevent the natural and healthy development of sexual orientation, sexual identity, and healthy sexual relationships in adulthood. The majority of persons who sexually abuse children are of heterosexual, not homosexual orientation. Further, members of the child's immediate family, and not some "homosexual predator stranger," usually perpetuate such acts. All homosexuals do not "recruit" children, nor sexually abuse them.
Some straight people follow psychological or religious practices that believe homosexuals can or should "change" into heterosexuals. If someone were to tell you to change and become a homosexual, you would give a very strong negative response. This is because you rightly recognize your sexual orientation is a part of your core self, a part which, though not the defining aspect of being, nevertheless touches all parts of yourself; it is not a "thing," something that can be turned on or off like a light switch, nor changed like wallpaper. Yet, when some heterosexuals tell a homosexual to change, the very strong negative response is seen as a surprise. If a gay person can supposedly become straight, then you can become gay. This may happen externally, but cannot happen internally, and if it does, it is due to dysfunction.
The life testimonies of people who have "switched" from gay to straight often show external childhood, or adolescence gender confusion, or sexual identity dysfunction. Further, some were abused sexually and internalized the trauma, or somehow grew into some sexual, gender, or identity dysfunction that caused them to engage in negative, unhealthy sexual behaviors. In reality, they were always internally heterosexual. Just as there are straight people who falsely live as gay, so are there gay people who falsely live as straight, trying to be someone they are not. Those supposedly "changed" are actually those who have been "healed," finally walking rightly in their true orientation.
If a gay or lesbian person lives in a family, culture, society, or environment of non-acceptance, sadly they may embrace choices, behaviors, attitudes, or activities that are negative or unhealthy. People who are anti-gay often look to these poor choices as proof the "gay lifestyle" is unhealthy and destructive. However, gays and lesbians who have found inner self-acceptance, self-love, and self-actualization, lead just as boringly normal lives as you. Dysfunction within sexual orientation does not negate the legitimacy of that orientation, nor gives proof or validity to the theory the orientation is wrong.
See also: Autobiography Coming Out, Misinformation about Homosexuality, Addictions And Compulsive Behaviors, Sexual Compulsion, Adult Development, Is Change Possible?. Ex-Gay Ministries Resources Links.
erhaps you are confused about the definition of sexual orientation. Is your sexual orientation something you do or who you are? When straight people refer to the "gay lifestyle," they generally see gay sexual orientation as something gay people do. Just because sexual orientation has the word "sexual" in it, does not mean you are focused on, or obsessed with sex. Race or ethnicity is more than skin color, involves culture and heritage; very few such persons get their sole identity in them, but see them as a part of their total selves, other aspects more expansive or defining of self. You probably cannot recall a time in childhood or adolescent development when you chose to become straight; it just happened, without thought or effort. You follow your natural desires to pursue the opposite gender not so much to have sex, but the goal of falling in love, and ultimately abiding in relationship with one special someone. There are exceptions, some straight people do not desire relationship, some have a lot of sex, and in a lot of ways; but you do not consider them representative of your sexual orientation.
Surprisingly, the majority of gay individuals desire and follow the same things as you when it comes to sex and relationship. There are some gays and lesbians who seem to have sex on their minds a lot, may actually get their identity in their sexuality, but they are not representative of the majority of gay people.
The true definition of sexual orientation is defined as not the gender with whom you desire to have sex, but the gender with whom you desire to have relationship. Thus, gays and lesbians see their sexual orientation just like you do, less having to do with what goes on in the bedroom, more having to do with falling in love, sharing your life with someone special. Gays and lesbians even do the same thing you do in bed most of the time... sleep.
here is just as much diversity within the gay and lesbian community as there is within your straight community, diversity of race, religion, culture and ethnic background, economics, social conditions, employment, hobbies and interests, values, ethics and morals. There are persons or groups within the straight community who claim to speak for you; however, the majority of straight people would find aspects of disagreement with them. The same is true with the gay and lesbian community. However, it is common for many straight people to stereotype all gays and lesbians based on the activities, choices, and beliefs of a visible vocal minority of gays and lesbians.
A gay person would call you a "hopeless romantic," if he saw you holding hands with your lover while walking in the park. If you saw a gay couple holding hands while walking in the park, would you think they were "flaunting their sexuality?" When you learn someone is gay, do you sometimes get stuck on that and canít see the rest of the person, despite the personís gifts and talents? Have you observed some straight people who are fearful whatever "made" a person gay might rub off on them, so they avoid them? How would you feel if people were a little too eager to tell you their opinions about your "lifestyle?"
Imagine what it is like to be in a committed gay relationship and have to figure out what box to check on forms when asked if you are "married, single, or divorced." Why do some straight people, when they see gays or lesbians with children, feel the need to ask, "How did you get a child?" If you were a clerk in a store, and a man buys flowers or a gift, would you say, perhaps without thinking, "Oh, I am sure 'your wife' will love it," not realizing he might be gay? If your friend has a gay parent, do you wonder if your friend might be gay, too? Do you assume because someone is a gay man then he is a flawless cook and can decorate; if he is, do you say, "Well, of course, after all youíre gay?" But, if you happen to know a lesbian who can change a flat tire and likes ice hockey, does it really confuse you?
Do you think gay men are effeminate, and lesbians are masculine; do you consider them threats to your own sexuality? If youíre a straight guy, donít panic if a gay man smiles or starts a conversation with you, it does not necessarily mean he wants to have sex with you; and, if he tells you, "Donít worry, Iím not interested," why do you then want to know why not? If you are a straight woman, do you assume all gay men make good friends, they want go shopping with you, and can give you fashion tips?
Those who do not believe it is acceptable to be gay, or who hate and fear gay people, often use these misunderstandings and stereotypes as justifications or proofs for their beliefs. It is very easy to hate or stereotype a group, make people impersonal, into things, into non-humans. But, it is difficult to hate a person, someone who has a face, someone whom you realize has feelings, hopes and dreams the same as your own, as human as you.
You might also want to explore this article, just for fun... The Cause of Homosexuality (What Makes Someone Gay Or Lesbian).