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s time has passed and as I have spent time assisting people in furthering their walk with Jesus it is my firm belief the majority of difficulties people experience regarding sexuality and sexual orientation really have nothing to do with these issues.
Rather, I believe they instead wrestle with self-love, self-image, self-acceptance, self-actualization and self-esteem. When these truer issues are addressed in Jesus Christ then the sexuality and sexual orientation will naturally and without effort fall into place and its proper holy expression.
Your thinking needs to be in line with God's thinking of you and your life. You need to apply God's thinking of you to yourself and your life.
s we have already discussed, as you begin to walk in your new self, your old self will not be happy about it. It has been in charge for so long, the old ways of thinking and poor patterns of behaviors and poor choices controlling for so long, they may not go away quietly and meekly. You are in charge, not they. You, through God, have seen a better way of living, and you're not going to put up with them anymore. So, what are you going to do when they try to rise up again? Give in to them? No. Recognize them for what they are, take authority over them and cast them down? Yes.
But, how do you do this? By reinforcing the positive, recognizing negative things for what they are, and sending them away in Jesus Name. The more you grow in positive things, healthy choices and behaviors, positive thinking and self-image, the easier it will be to recognize negative things when they appear and to defeat them.
Do you call yourself stupid, worthless, or words that demean yourself and your sexuality? Labels bind you, control you, and limit you. They are prisons of the soul. Labels also ignore individuality within a group, and they stereotype. Instead of accepting such broad defeating terms about yourself, recognize the behaviors behind why you label yourself, why other people label you, and reject them. If you think you are worthless, why? What are the reasons for this feeling? Is it because other people don't accept you, and if so, why is that so important to you? Is it because you still have not fully learned to accept yourself? If so, then make the positive efforts to change those behaviors and the labels will have no meaning.
When you look in the mirror do you see a big nose when other people see a pretty smile? Are you so busy looking for the faults and flaws in yourself, or other people and the world in general that you can't see the good in people, the world, or yourself? Why? Is it difficult for you to accept praise, do you feel unworthy of praise or of getting attention? Does it stem from you not liking yourself, your need to be perfect? If so, then make the positive efforts to see the good within yourself and other people; if you look for good you generally will find it, and if you look for bad you will always find it. Let go of your need to be perfect, and learn to accept yourself and other people, big nose and pretty smile and all.
If you expect the worst, it will usually not leave you disappointed. Do you always expect to fail? Do you always believe you will never succeed, have happiness, be liked and accepted, have a good career, find a relationship? Do you believe if you come out as gay to your family and friends they will automatically reject you? Do you believe you can never be happy or find meaning in your sexuality? Such thinking will keep you idle in neutral, unable and unwilling to risk or try anything in life. You break this by setting attainable and reasonable goals, expectations, and objectives for yourself and your life. You break this by recognizing you cannot control nor predict the future or other people, but you can work towards your own positive future and set a good environment for the possibility of acceptance of you by other people.
Not seeing your pretty smile but only your big nose is bad enough, but to go and spend all your time comparing your nose and smile to other people is both self-defeating and exhausting. I was never very athletic, and I wasn't good at sports. I didn't have the coordination and the body shape for most sports; I was tall, thin and long-legged. Today, however, many youth are involved in soccer, the perfect sport for people who are tall and long-legged. I wonder if they had soccer when I was a boy, maybe I would have both enjoyed it and been good at it. If you have the body to play football, great, but if you don't have such a body, then why sit and cry about it? You are unique, created by God different than anyone else. Your worth as a person is not based on comparison to anyone else. Your value is not based on what anyone else thinks about you, but on what God thinks about you. Your value is not based on what you look like, what you do, what you don't do, but on who you are in Jesus Christ. Learn about yourself, and apply yourself in the areas of life in which you have talent and abilities, let go of things that you can not or should not strive to attain, and rejoice in other people in their skills.
Drama, drama, drama. Do you live your life from one drama to another, or one crisis to another? Why? You can't be that unlucky. Do you need the attention they draw and create? Why? Why do you operate in negative actions and situations to get attention? Would it not be better to draw attention through positive situations and accomplishments? Of course, so better devote your time in creating more real life instead of stage life. Another form of drama is taking everything so seriously all the time. Hey, I am accused of that, so try to do better than me, ok? Haha. Truthfully, we all need to lighten up sometimes. You need to see that everything is not some personal attack against you, nor does everyone not like you just because you didn't get invited to a party. Keep things in perspective and your views on things balanced, in the middle, and don't pendulum swing.
Pendulum swinging. This is one of my favorite pet peeves. Someone rejects you so you swing the pendulum to the extreme and declare that no one will ever accept you again. If you lose one job, why bother to get another. If you slip and fall back into your old self, engage in some behavior or activity which is not Love, which is not the best, you decide to just give up, declaring you can't do it so why bother. Or there's the exact opposite. You find someone who likes you and so you think this person automatically is the person you should spend the rest of your life with, even though you've only known each other for a week or less. Recognize these patterns for what they are, extremes and absolutes. Life isn't like that, and you know better.
These are just a few examples of distorted thinking, thinking which is not rooted in Love. Your thinking needs to be in agreement with God's thinking regarding yourself, your life, and the world around you. You are, as the Scriptures say, "transformed by the renewing of your mind." You renew your mind when you walk in your new heart and not your old; you renew your mind when you apply the Law of Christ, the Law of Love to everything in your life.
Life is full of things, things that can or cannot affect you, depending on how you react to them. You may not be able to control them, stop them, choose them, but you can control and choose how you react to them, or even stop yourself from reacting at all. Losing a job can be a positive or a negative thing. You may not have had any control in it happening, but you can control how you will react to it. You can plan, regroup, evaluate your situation, explore options, seek out assistance, consider career change, relocate, etc. You apply your new self-confidence and press onward, making the best of your situation. Or you can sit there and give up, blame everyone, including yourself, and go nowhere.
Not everything in life has a reason, sometimes things just happen. But, it is often natural for us, when something happens, to think it happened for a reason, that we caused it, or deserved it. Sometimes we believe we make mistakes because we are flawed, and not because we just haven't learned or applied skills to be otherwise. Often our conclusions about the world around us and even ourselves are based on our own view of things, and that vision is often cloudy and faulty. But God's Vision is always clear and available to you.
When things happen in your life, you have a choice. You can look at them through old negative patterns or through Love and positive new patterns. When you are confronted with a situation and you begin to react to it in ways that are not Love, which do not edify or bring growth, then stop, look and listen. Stop and recognize the negative for what it is. Look at the situation and recognize there are healthy choices available. Listen to your heart, where Jesus and Love resides, and make the choices that are good and for the best.
Here's a pretty blunt and real example. Some friends have told you lately being gay is wrong and you are not right with God. You entertain the idea of going out and finding some quick easy sex; you might as well jump in with both feet and prove them right. But, then you pause and recognize you are trying to justify bad behavior, and accepting what other people say about you instead of what God says about you. You recognize your feelings of anger and shame, and how they are false and not rooted in any truth. You understand that you are pendulum swinging from one extreme to another. You understand sex should not be used for this reason. You realize the negativity of it all, and you have available to you other more positive and healthy choices. You decide to be Christ-like towards your friends, to love and accept them even though they have problems with you; you forgive them. You reinforce to yourself that you are right with God, that Jesus is living in your heart and helping you live according to God's best for you. You choose instead to call up a positive and supportive friend and go out to a movie. You choose to walk in your sexuality in accordance with Love. You grow and you are edified.
See Also: What Does Gay Mean?.
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