Gay Christian Online - Gay Christian Wisdom And Advice - I'm Gay and Married - Page Nine
Gay Christian, Gay Christians, Lesbian Christians wisdom and advice on I'm gay and married, and more.
Gay Christian Online - Website for Gay Christians, Lesbian Christians, and those who support them.

This Page - Gay Christian, Gay Christians, Lesbian Christians wisdom and advice on I'm gay and married, and more.


Search by word, phrase, or topic within this Website.

Gay Christian Online - Website for Gay Christians, Lesbian Christians, and those who support them. GAY CHRISTIAN


Gay Christian Online - Welcome WELCOME
(Website Background)

(Website Purpose)

Gay Christian Online - Website Excerpts
(Overview of the Website)

Gay Christian Online - A Page for Straight People A PAGE FOR STRAIGHT PEOPLE
(How to Understand Gays and Lesbians, and Gay Christians.)

Gay Christian Online Ė The Cause of Homosexuality

(What Makes Someone Gay or Lesbian; Theories and Causes Explored; The Real Cause Finally Revealed)

Gay Christian Online - How to be a Gay Christian HOW TO BE A GAY CHRISTIAN
(Despite What You've Been Told)

Gay Christian Online - True Verses False Christianity TRUE VERSES FALSE CHRISTIANITY
(True Spirituality)

Gay Christian Online - Scriptures for the Gay Christian GOOD NEWS (SCRIPTURES FOR THE GAY CHRISTIAN)
(Helpful Scriptures For Life)

Gay Christian Online - Gay Christian Self-Esteem HOW TO BE GAY! GAY CHRISTIAN SELF-ESTEEM
(Build Healthy Self-Esteem: Adult Development, Sources And Effects Of Dysfunction, False Guilt And Shame, Misinformation About Homosexuality, Coping Skills, Destructive Behaviors, Sexual Compulsion, Relationship Development, Coming Out, Inner-Healing, Self-Love, Self-Image, Self-Actualization, Christian Principles For Life, etc.)

Gay Christian Online - Wisdom and Advice WISDOM AND ADVICE
(What Is Gay, Understanding Scripture, Gay Stereotypes, Is Change Possible, Coming Out, My Spouse Is Gay, Battered Spouse, Sex, Relationship, Masturbation, Pornography, Finding A Church, Afraid Of Rejection, Being Found Out, Does God Reject Me, My Parent Is Gay, A Spouse Leaves, Church Problems, etc.)

Gay Christian Online - Living the Gay Christian Life LIVING THE GAY CHRISTIAN LIFE
(Salvation, Baptism, Sanctification, Holiness, Sin, Forgiveness, Communion, Sacraments, Prayer, Fasting, Scripture Study, Giving, Witnessing, Serving, Ethics, Dating & Relationships, Sexual Ethics, Following Jesus - The Challenges and Responsibilities of Relationship, etc.)

Gay Christian Online - Gay Christian Relationships
(Gay And Married, Gay Dating And Relationships, Friends, Choosing A Church, Being Christian In The Gay World, Following Jesus - The Challenges and Responsibilities of Relationship, etc.)

Gay Christian Online - Coming Out
(Defining Sexual Orientation, Misinformation About Sexual Orientation, The Consequences of Living in the Closet, Who You Are and Can Be, Coming Out Internally, Before Coming Out Externally, Coming Out Externally, Beyond Coming Out, etc.)

Gay Christian Online - Gay Christian Athletics
(Pass Gym Class: Diet, Supplements, Sleep, Sex, Body Care, Clothes, The Gym, The Locker Room, Etiquette, Exercise Plans)

(Gay & Lesbian, Christianity, Coming Out, Relationships, Marriage, Parenting, Youth, Psychology, Health, Humor, etc.)

Gay Christian Online - Links OTHER INTERNET LINKS
(Gay & Lesbian, Christianity, Resources, Coming Out, Marriage, Psychology, Parenting, Youth, Health, Relationships, etc.)

Gay Christian Online - Thank You THANK YOU
(Thank You For Being Here)

Gay Christian Online - Support SUPPORT THIS WEBSITE
(Donate Online)

Gay Christian Online Ė How to Get an Article

(You may receive articles by donation, which can be either mailed to you, or the article file saved to your computer; multiple copies available, too.)

Copyright 2014-1997. All Rights Reserved. BBCB. USA.

Website Featured On...

Cable News Network

British Broadcasting Corporation

Graphics & Music Used Are Believed Public Domain Unless Otherwise Noted. Some Graphics Courtesy Of...






This page hosted by...

Yahoo Small Business

Gay Christian Online

Michelangelo "Ignudo"
Sistine Chapel

Gay Christian Online - Gay Christian Wisdom And Advice - I'm Gay and Married - Page Nine


Is Being Gay Is Wrong?
The Real Reason Why Sodom Was Destroyed
The Truth About The Role of Women
Does Being Gay Mean Doing Your Own Thing
False And Hurtful Gay Stereotypes
Should I Come Out?
Thanks for Your Website
Is Pornography Good Or Bad?
What To Do If Your Parent Is Gay
Can You Help Me Find A Gay Accepting Church?
Is Masturbation Wrong?
The True Purpose Of Reproduction
What To Do If You Hate Yourself For Being Gay
What To Do If You Are Gay and Married
What To Do If You Discover Your Spouse Is Gay
Is Sex Outside of a Relationship Wrong
What To Do If You Are A Battered Spouse
What To Do After A Relationship Ends
What If My Church Finds Out Iím Gay?
My Gay Spouse Wonít Go to Church
Iím Afraid God Will Reject Me For Being Gay
Should I Leave My Church For Rejecting Me For Being Gay?
What Do These Scriptures Really Mean About Being Gay?
Is Change From Gay To Straight Possible?
I Think I Might Be Gay, How Can I Tell For Sure?
Is Gay Sex Wrong?
How To Correctly Interpret Scripture
What Does Gay Really Mean?
What To Do If A Religious Gay or Lesbian Spouse Leaves
What To Do If You Are Being Used In A Relationship
Is Nudity Ever Acceptable?

n my many years as a Minister and Counsellor I am often asked to provide information or referrals to resources, requests for advice on life, questions from people trying to understand themselves and others around them, or assist hurting people needing someone to listen and care.

o, I decided to share with you some of the common responses I give to people, so you might be able to learn and grow from them as I have. Perhaps, these are situations and problems you are having, and my advice, wisdom, and information can assist you in making the right positive, healthy, and responsible choices and decisions.

My wisdom and advice my be just what you seek and need, my answers may surprise or shock you, they might unsettle you, you might refuse to believe what I say and recommend at first (but with time learn and see my point), or I may even upset and anger you. Whether to you who are supportive, you who have troubles, or you who don't understand or oppose: I electronically wash your feet.

Peace and Hugs. Thanks. Ben

Gay Christian Online - Gay Christian Wisdom And Advice - What To Do If You Are Gay And Married Gay Christian Online - Gay Christian Wisdom And Advice - What To Do If You Are Gay And Married HOME

I am gay and married. I have kids. I have a nice home, job, family, life. I love them all, but I hate myself for being gay. I want to be true to my real self, be gay, come out, but I am scared to give up and lose everything for it. Help.

Gay men remained married for a variety of reasons, children, financial security, social acceptance as straight, etc. Gay married men come up with a wide range of justifications and rationalizations for remaining married, and creative ways to remain married and gay, including having sex with men outside the marriage, rationalizing it isnít adultery since its with a man and not a woman, etc.

Well, I am a Christian and I take a different approach. When you enter a relationship with someone, heterosexual or homosexual, you enter a contract or covenant with the person, and with that covenant comes responsibility, responsibility towards yourself, towards the other person, and the other person with him/herself and with you. This is showing Godly Love for one another.

Marriage or partnership relationships are entered with the understanding that sexual relations are a part of it. Sex is a sharing within the relationship, it is not the relationship, but it supports and uplifts the relationship. This is showing Godly Love in the expression of that sexuality within the relationship. Now, there are some marriages or partnerships that are entered where sex is not possible, i.e. illness, physical handicap, etc. even then, for a good and healthy relationship, there is generally and usually some form of affection expressed physically.

We are body, soul and spirit, these three in one, just as God is Three Persons but one God. All must be in harmony with each other. All parts are to be in harmony with the other, no one part exercising control over the other parts, or outshining the others. All three must be in submission and walking in Love with each other.

If you are going to be in relationship with someone, you need to Love him or her in spirit, soul, and body. You reserve your body only for him/her and no one else, and you express you body only to him/her.

So, the gay married man is caught in a dilemma. He is married to a woman but finds he is sexually attracted to men. Most married men who discover they are gay statistically have no prior conscious gay feelings before the marriage. This is due to self-esteem development arrestment, low self-esteem finally dealt with and beginning to develop through the marriage and adult operations in business, parenthood and successes in life.

Statistically the gay married men who go on to divorce and living a fully, healthy and normal gay life are ONLY those who see being gay as MORE than having sex with men. The majority of men who have sex in parks and public restrooms are gay married men; they see it as sex only. The majority of gay married men who divorce as those who see sex last, who desire a long term committed relationship; further, out of Love they seek the best for their spouse in that which, in being gay, they cannot give.

I began to realize that remaining married to my wife was not Godly Love. I could have sex with her still, even though attracted to men, but it would never be the deep binding sex between two persons in committed relationship it should be. If I loved my wife, then I needed to let her go sexually, to find a man who could Love her in this way I could never do. Further, I needed to let her go relationshiply. Being married to my wife was like being married to a sister, we were the best of friends, but there was not the bonding necessary and required in a marriage. So, I divorced out of Love for my wife, believing it best for her, even more than for myself, so she could go on and perhaps find a man who could Love her and bond with her in marriage as I, a gay man, could never do.

So, since the gay married man is in covenant with a woman, he has few choices as a Christian. He must remain faithful to his wife; he cannot have sex with men on the side, period, end of discussion. So, he either has to be celibate and not have sex with his wife, or he has to have sex with his wife.

To remain celibate and not have sex cannot be a decision for the gay man alone, this involves her. If she cannot live a life married to a gay man and the two not have sex together, and not be satisfied with affection alone like experienced by couples who have physical challenges, then you have a real problem. You have to walk in Love here, showing Love for her needs as well as your own.

To remain married and continue to have sex with the wife means the sex must be to the level of being mutually rewarding and satisfying, rewarding and satisfying spiritually, emotionally and intellectually, as well as physically. Sex is a sharing thing and if the sharing is blocked, then you got a real problem. You have to walk in Love here, showing Love for each other in your sexuality.

I cannot tell you what to do, either way, to be married or not. I can only tell you that in this situation, as in all aspects of life, you must use the Law of Love as a measure to determine if what is going on is right and for the best. If you cannot remain married and show Love for each other fully, then it is best to divorce, painful as it may be.

Divorce over sexuality does not have to be as ugly as divorce between persons who cant stand each other, hate each other, etc. Even in divorce, you remain Christian siblings to each other, and you have to keep that at the foremost. Divorce over sexuality as Christians can be done out of a motivation of Love for each other, a desire for the best for each other, and a time to help each other begin and build new lives separate from each other. If children are involved, you will be relating to each other for the rest of your lives because of them, and so you have to have a good relationship. You can divorce out of Love.

If you divorce, it is your responsibility to remain Christ-like in your dealings with her. She shall respond as she responds, you cannot control that. But, you can affect it and give the opportunity for it to be the best it can be in how you treat her. It is important to reinforce to her that you remain the same person you ever were, kind and caring, devoted and dedicated, if you ever were and I hope you are, if not that's another letter. Reinforce to her that you Love her and are doing this for her, not yourself. Yes, you are doing it for yourself in a way, of course, but you need to help her, set her up in her life, being a woman in this sexist society, she will have a difficult time getting established with financial independence, etc. be a good brother in the Lord.

Do everything in Love, measure everything by Love, live in Love, be Love.

See Also: Gay and Married, Books - Gay, Lesbian and Married, My Dad is Gay, Should I Come Out?>, Coming Out, Beyond Coming Out, Books - Coming Out as Gay and Lesbian, Books - Gay and Lesbian Parenting, Coming Out Links, Parenting and Family Links, Families Joined By Love: Books, Resources, and Community for LGBT Families.

ext page for wisdom and advice on whether or not you should leave your church...

Gay Christian Wisdom and Advice - Page Ten - Should I Leave My Church? Gay Christian Wisdom And Advice - Page Eight - I Hate Being Gay

Copyright 2014-2000. BBCB. All Rights Reserved. USA.

Number of People
Who Have Visited
This Page

Click to return to Website Index Page...


How To Get An Article.

You may receive articles from Gay Christian Online by donation through PayPal. Articles may either be mailed to you, or the article file saved to your computer; multiple copies available, too.
To receive an article, Click Here...
Receive An Article.

How To Get
To Help Support This Website, Click Here.

If this Website has blessed you, please consider supporting it. You may donate instantly using PayPal online payment service. "It's fast, free, and secure!" Click Here...
To Help Support This Website, Click Here.

To Help Support This Website, Click Here.