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Gay Christian Online - Gay Christian Wisdom And Advice - My Dad is Gay, Help Finding a Church, Is Masturbation OK - Page Six


Is Being Gay Is Wrong?
The Real Reason Why Sodom Was Destroyed
The Truth About The Role of Women
Does Being Gay Mean Doing Your Own Thing
False And Hurtful Gay Stereotypes
Should I Come Out?
Thanks for Your Website
Is Pornography Good Or Bad?
What To Do If Your Parent Is Gay
Can You Help Me Find A Gay Accepting Church?
Is Masturbation Wrong?
The True Purpose Of Reproduction
What To Do If You Hate Yourself For Being Gay
What To Do If You Are Gay and Married
What To Do If You Discover Your Spouse Is Gay
Is Sex Outside of a Relationship Wrong
What To Do If You Are A Battered Spouse
What To Do After A Relationship Ends
What If My Church Finds Out Iím Gay?
My Gay Spouse Wonít Go to Church
Iím Afraid God Will Reject Me For Being Gay
Should I Leave My Church For Rejecting Me For Being Gay?
What Do These Scriptures Really Mean About Being Gay?
Is Change From Gay To Straight Possible?
I Think I Might Be Gay, How Can I Tell For Sure?
Is Gay Sex Wrong?
How To Correctly Interpret Scripture
What Does Gay Really Mean?
What To Do If A Religious Gay or Lesbian Spouse Leaves
What To Do If You Are Being Used In A Relationship
Is Nudity Ever Acceptable?

n my many years as a Minister and Counsellor I am often asked to provide information or referrals to resources, requests for advice on life, questions from people trying to understand themselves and others around them, or assist hurting people needing someone to listen and care.

o, I decided to share with you some of the common responses I give to people, so you might be able to learn and grow from them as I have. Perhaps, these are situations and problems you are having, and my advice, wisdom, and information can assist you in making the right positive, healthy, and responsible choices and decisions.

My wisdom and advice my be just what you seek and need, my answers may surprise or shock you, they might unsettle you, you might refuse to believe what I say and recommend at first (but with time learn and see my point), or I may even upset and anger you. Whether to you who are supportive, you who have troubles, or you who don't understand or oppose: I electronically wash your feet.

Peace and Hugs. Thanks. Ben

More people arrive at this page than just about any other page of this article. I guess it is because of search engines, and word terms. If this is you, welcome. This is a website for Gay and Lesbian Christians. This article is on Gay Christian Wisdom And Advice. It would be better if you began at the first page, Gay Christian Wisdom And Advice, Page One, and then arrive here.

Gay Christian Online - Gay Christian Wisdom And Advice - My Dad is Gay Gay Christian Online - Gay Christian Wisdom And Advice - My Dad is Gay HOME

My dad is gay. I am cool with it because he loves me, and he and mom get along OK, too. But, I wonder if I will be gay someday, too. I also worry that if my friends find out my dad's gay they will think I am gay, or they'll not like me anymore. So, what do you think?

Well, every gay person generally had a straight parent, relative or mentor while growing up; so, having a straight role model doesn't always mean you'll be straight, or having a gay dad or gay role model doesn't necessarily mean you'll be gay.

Sadly, people will think whatever they want, no matter how much you try to educate them. Add to that youth, the need and desire to be loved and accepted by society and peers, and you've got a mess. I wish, if you present yourself with confidence to your friends, they would accept you as you are, and not assume things because of your dad, but that doesn't always happen.

They may reject you no matter how you present yourself, how you try to help them understand what it means to be gay, etc. But, if they do reject you, what have you lost? Certainly not true friends, for true friends would stick by you, know you, trust and believe in you, Love you. So, it would be their loss, not yours, if they rejected you. However, that doesn't ease the pain of rejection or public embarrassment, either.

Pride and acceptance of your dad is also a reflection of the depth of pride and acceptance you have of yourself, your level of self-confidence; these are your youth years whereby you learn and develop them. Your growth and maturity in your own self-love, self-acceptance, self-image is found in your relationship with Jesus Christ, seeing and accepting yourself as Jesus does.

The heart is reflected outwardly, affecting everything else about self; the heart is the light witness shining outward to the world. Find in Christ your inner confidence, assurance of who you are and becoming, growing and maturing into a fine young man, with a great and exciting future ahead of you.

In that confidence, you'll not only be proud of your dad for who he is, the Love he has for you, but you'll find your dad's sexuality as not just cool but way cool. In that confidence, you'll know who you are when people say you are something else, you'll know who are your truer friends, who are your truer friends who occasionally have lapses of judgment, and those who really are not true friends. I wash your feet and bid you Peace and hugs, Ben

See Also: Misinformation about Homosexuality, Books - Gay and Lesbian Parenting, Parenting and Family Links, Families Joined By Love: Books, Resources, and Community for LGBT Families.

Gay Christian Online - Gay Christian Wisdom And Advice - Can You Help Me Find a Church? Gay Christian Online - Gay Christian Wisdom And Advice - Can You Help Me Find a Church? HOME

The church I attend doesn't accept gays, and I want to find a church that does. Do you know of any churches in ___(city)___ who accept gays?

I am just a one person website, trying to help as best I can, and I hate it when I can't always help. I am not part of a particular church or organization through this website, so I don't have a lot of contacts.

I do not know of a particular gay accepting or affirming church in your city; however, that doesn't mean you can't find one. Go back to my website to my Links page and go to the UFMCC page that lists its churches by country, state and city; see if there is a UFMCC church in your area.

You don't mention the denomination to which you belong. If UFMCC is not to your liking, they are generally helpful and knowledgeable of other churches in the area that are accepting, and will gladly refer you there. Additionally, on the Links page is listings of support organization of various denominations; email your particular denomination and see if they have a church or support group in your area.

Next, is there a gay bar or organization near by? About the only time I ever recommend gay bars and clubs is for connection purposes, for they are not always the most ethical places to be; however, often they are the only place for any connection, and you can find spiritual people within them, looking for others of like mind. Accepting churches or religious support groups often advertise themselves on bulletin boards, telephone support lines, or in local gay newspapers or publications, etc.

Lastly, there is your choice to be pro-active; "faith without works is dead," says the apostle James, so you need to do your part to find what you want, and "when you've done all, stand." Have you contacted absolutely every church in town to see if any are accepting? Pick up the phone and start dialing.

Are you willing to expand beyond your past familiarity with a certain denomination and try a different but accepting one? Are you willing to drive to another city to find and attend an accepting church? Have you considered a church that may not be accepting but which does show Love and has a teachable spirit?

Life is a balance between compromise and temperance. We are to never compromise ourselves, be less than we are supposed to be, for that is not Love. But, often we can temper who we are around other people, be ourselves in the midst of difference, not flaunting it, use not our liberties in Christ selfishly, but "by Love serve one another."

It sounds like if you stayed in your present church it would require compromise, and to be around such negativity would wound your soul and spirit. But, there may be a church that, though not accepting per se, you may be able to exist therein with temperance.

Every accepting church at some point in its past grew into the Light of Love more fully because of the witness of some gay Christian. Through your life witness, it might prove you to be the one that brings that church into full acceptance. So, I wouldn't rule out all churches, just because they "seem" rejecting; it might be you that makes all the difference.

We choose a church not only to meet our own needs, but to be a servant, a blessing, Love to others. Such is Love. Love will lead you to where you should be; trust in Love, Jesus Christ.

See Also: The Gay Christian and the Church.

Gay Christian Online - Gay Christian Wisdom And Advice - Is Masturbation OK? Gay Christian Online - Gay Christian Wisdom And Advice - Is Masturbation OK? HOME

What do you think about masturbation? Is it OK or not? I really am trying to be good and stay sexually pure. What do you think?

This is a difficult topic, almost scarier for some people to talk about than homosexuality, or even sexuality in general.

Love is the yardstick by which we measure to see if something agrees with Love. The apostle Paul wrote that if it does, then it's acceptable... even if it goes against the majority.

Paul had a personal liberty in Christ, eating foods sacrificed to idols. When the new Church accepted Gentiles into the fold, because of fear of the unknown, these pagans and all their cultures coming in, the Church put limitations, rules on them. They didnít have to be circumcised, but one of their rules was they couldnít eat foods sacrificed to idols.

Then, along comes Paul. He boasts he eats foods sacrificed to idols; to him it's no big thing. But, he knows his "weaker brethren" will freak if they see him, so out of Love for them he wont eat such foods when theyíre around. In other words, he tempers himself, but NEVER compromises himself. To compromise himself would mean going against his freedom in Love in Christ, his liberties given him by Jesus. But, he and all of us donít have to flaunt our liberties, stir up things with those around us who donít have them.

Some people can drink and not even get tipsy. But, some people have one drink and are smashed. Others drink to hide behind their problems. Others drink to escape. There's nothing wrong with the drink, but the potential for problems lies with the drinker.

Paul wrote that all things were lawful to him, but not all things lead to his edification, not all things agree with Love. So, though they are all legal, Love compels him to reject some of them.

So, take this, memorize it, and then use this yardstick for the rest of your life and measure it against everything in your life. So, for example, let's take masturbation.... in and of itself, it is lawful, and neutral. How you choose to walk therein can either edify you, or corrupt you.

Masturbation for bodily release is OK. Men, if there is no release, often experience the nature event called a "wet dream," release while sleeping, which is a normal bodily function. Masturbation also releases hormones, stress and tension.

But, there are some people who masturbate, like the alcoholic, to escape from real life. Insecure in themselves, masturbation is an easy out, you donít have to make the effort to date, develop friendships or relationships. Then, there are others who do it lustfully, lusting after a person, fantasizing about him or her, etc. Then there are those who do it out of addiction, for the high it brings, etc. All these are not Love.

So, in its proper place and use, it can be OK, agree with the Law of Love. But, it must be handled with maturity and grace, within Love.

So, the answer is both yes, it's OK, and no, it's not. You have to decide, discern, learn, and apply properly to your self and life. Apply to your own private sexuality the same respect for self as you are trying to learn for others and desire in return for yourself.

See Also: Sexual Compulsions.

ext page for wisdom and advice on reproduction...

Gay Christian Wisdom And Advice - Page Seven - Reproduction Gay Christian Wisdom And Advice - Page Five - My Partner Wonít Go to Church, Iím Afraid God Will Reject Me, Pornography

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