|You Can Translate This Page Into Another Language - Choose Language:|
This Page - Gay Christian, Gay Christians, Lesbian Christians coming out. (Introduction to what it means to come out, what is involved in the process, and understanding the true definition of sexual orientation).
Search by word, phrase, or topic within this Website.
A PAGE FOR STRAIGHT PEOPLE
HOW TO BE A GAY CHRISTIAN
TRUE VERSES FALSE CHRISTIANITY
GOOD NEWS (SCRIPTURES FOR THE GAY CHRISTIAN)
HOW TO BE GAY! GAY CHRISTIAN SELF-ESTEEM
WISDOM AND ADVICE
LIVING THE GAY CHRISTIAN LIFE
REFERENCED AND RECOMMENDED BOOKS
OTHER INTERNET LINKS
SUPPORT THIS WEBSITE
Copyright 2014-1997. All Rights Reserved. BBCB. USA.
Graphics & Music Used Are Believed Public Domain Unless Otherwise Noted. Some Graphics Courtesy Of...
This page hosted by...
o, here you are. You have somehow found this article, and found me. So, you are thinking about coming out? Wonder how to do it? Wonder why or if you should do it? Or, you have come out, and are now struggling with the results of doing it? Or, you know someone who is struggling with accepting his or her sexuality, and you want to help?
Here we will discuss, in great length and detail, the background of the "closet." We will discuss what put a person in the closet in the first place. We will analyse the effects, both short-term and long-term of living in the closet. We will learn the most important first steps to coming out, self-love, and self-acceptance. We will learn how to come out to yourself internally, learn how to see yourself and your sexuality in positive and healthy ways. We will explore whether or not there is need to come out to other people. We will discuss how to come out externally, to other people, and society in general. Lastly, we will discuss the important choice of moving "beyond coming out," placing your sexuality in balance with the rest of your self and your world, in relationship with other people and society.
efore you come out, it might be important to check and see if you are actually gay (homosexual). Just what does it mean to be gay or lesbian? This is important because there is so much confusion, stereotypes, misunderstandings, and misinformation about the definition of sexual orientation.
When professionals originally chose the term "sexual orientation," they instantly confused people by putting the word "sexual" in the title. Actually, the definition of being homosexual, gay or lesbian, is not completely based on sexual activity, or sexual attraction. The official definition states, "sexual orientation is determined not by the gender with whom you desire sexual activity or have attraction, but rather the gender with whom you desire to abide with in a long-term committed loving relationship."
Having sexual activity with someone of the same gender does not make you gay or lesbian, nor does it mean you will become gay or lesbian. Many straight, heterosexual persons have had same-sex sexual experiences, and yet remain straight. Many straight persons live their entire lives never having any sexual experiences at all, and yet they define themselves as straight in their sexual orientation. All of this is also true for someone who is homosexual, gay or lesbian.
When helping someone who is trying to understand his or her sexual orientation, you need to help the person look past the sexual attraction, any past history of sexual desire or experience, and concentrate on the true deepest relationship desires and needs. Most people match in their sexual and relationship desires or needs. For example, someone who is a homosexual man has same-sex sexual arousal, desires same-sex sexual activity, and goals for a long-term committed loving relationship with a man.
But, there are some people that are "mixed." These are persons who are either gay or straight, but who are capable of sexual arousal, and sexual activity with both genders. For example, a mixed lesbian would be a woman who is capable of having sex with either a man or a woman, can be aroused by either gender, yet whose long term heart desire and goal is to find a woman with whom she can settled down with in a committed relationship; her relationship goal defines her as a lesbian, abiding in a committed relationship with a man seems foreign and undesirable, and yet she can also have sex with a man.
People mistakenly define those who can be aroused by or who have had sex with either gender as "bisexuals;" even those who have had sex with either gender, or those persons who find themselves aroused by both genders tend to mistakenly define themselves as "bisexuals." However, going back to the correct definition of sexual orientation, a true bisexual would actually be someone who is capable of long-term committed relationship with either gender. In reality, this is rather rare. Most people, whether gay, lesbian, or straight, desire one gender only for long-term committed relationship.
So, as you can see, long before you even consider coming out as gay or lesbian, you should know whether or not you are one. When counseling someone who thinks he or she might be homosexual, you have to move past any history of same-sex sexual activity, same-sex sexual arousal, things the person has mistakenly learned or believed about sexual orientation. You have to help the person look at, and determine his or her long-term relationship desires and goal. It is that real, deep down, internal desire for love, acceptance, and committed that will reveal the person's true sexual orientation, or rather as it should have been called "relationship orientation." When counseling a person who is "mixed," it is important to help the person learn how to channel his or her emotional and sexual feelings. It would be better for this type of person to forgo sexual activity with the gender that does not match the long-term relationship goal, and concentrate on developing emotional and sexual connections with the gender the person desires for a committed relationship.