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was married, a father, and a Gay Christian. For me, I knew remaining married was not Love. I never felt the "two as one" most straight married couples describe about their relationship; I felt like I was married to a best friend, or sister. I realized it was unhealthy for her and I to remain married, we would be better persons, and even better parents, if apart than together. So, I put my wife first, and in Love, I set her free, 1994. I needed to let her go, out of Love, so she could go on and grow; I, also, needed to move on and grow. I trusted the Lord for my wife, that through this change she might grow to be a better person, too. My son was old enough to understand what was happening, and he preferred to live with me.
I regret not the marriage. I've had people ask me if I wished I'd known when I was younger that I was gay, and avoided all those years of being married. God always turns things for good in the end for those who Love Jesus. The separation was sad and painful, but I regret not the marriage, and my son was born.
Being openly homosexual, gay, and a Christian, I knew I was going to lose the world I knew, and I did. I lost friends, my church and religious service, co-workers turned from me, I lost my home and financial stability, and my parents withdrew from me for a time. I was not permitted in the doors of many churches, considered the "pink sheep of the family." My best friend of eighteen years, and our wedding bridesmaid, D____, quit speaking to me, refused to see me, sent me a letter telling me off, and broke off our friendship. My best male friend and wedding best man, D_____, of twenty-five years, male friend and wedding attendant M______, of twenty years, also broke off all contact with me. I have never heard from any of them since. I tried for many years to restore fellowship with them, by personal contact, letters, and cards; but, finally I left them all at Christ's feet, and moved on.
For many years, my ex-wife and I remained best friends, doing things together with our son. In public, or at our son's school activities, people did not realize we were not married. She remarried, and at first I was very happy for her, and proud of her personal growth and growing maturity. But, it has proved to be a difficult marriage for her, and her husband will not allow her to continue our friendship because of my sexual orientation.
When I came out, I believed what I was doing was for the best, and God would stand with me, as long as I stood with Him. In life, we have no guarantees we will be either hugged or slapped. If we try to avoid the slaps, we also miss out on the hugs. So, I finally risked in life, and I am the better for it. As you can see, I did suffer loss, and received many slaps; but, oh, how many hugs I have received, too.
Before you come out to others it is important to fully come out to yourself, not just know you are gay, but are positive about it, see it as healthy and normal. Come out first to someone close whom you trust, and then move outward to others, ever respecting them in their feelings or reactions. When you come out to someone, in a way you are putting him or her in a closet. Just as it took time for you to come out to yourself and others, so may it take time before they can come out as the parent, sibling, friend or co-worker of someone gay or lesbian.
Despite what you hear, statistics show the majority of coming out experiences end positively. It may not seem that way while going through it, but in time things improve. Time passing, being open, honest, and positive are the keys to success. As time passed, my situation improved, I made new friends, my family became supportive and accepting, I found a new church, co-workers began to understand and accept, even my ex-in-laws became friends again, and I always maintained and enjoyed the strong loving relationship with my son.
I came out to everyone and everything. When I went to my 20th school reunion, 1994, I told everyone I was gay and they replied, "What's new?" It seems everyone knew I was gay except me. Even when I came out to my family they replied, "Well, now that we think about it all, we're not surprised." About this same time I was reunited with my college friend, M_____, the one who struggled with being Christian and gay. He was now happy, at peace with himself and his gay sexual orientation. I reconnected with another gay college friend, J___, and I learned he had a crush on me back in college, but I was too clueless to notice at the time; but, he said he finally got over me, and moved on.
After my separation and divorce, 1994, I connected with my first gay friend and distant cousin, C______. After we met, he told me he had HIV/AIDS; he acquired it in the early 1980s, before anyone knew what it was or how you got it. We were friends and then briefly roommates, 1994-1995, until his health failed. I was his caregiver until his death in 1999. He was an encouragement to me, taught me to enjoy and experience life. I learned the truth of Christ's message to serve even the "least of people," especially those who hurt and are heavy burdened. I saw Jesus minister every day to C______ and bless the people who cared for him; I saw C______ bless others in the midst of his struggles.
Through C______'s church, I met N___. N___ worked for a travel agency, often gone on lengthy tours. I successfully house sit for him so many times while he was gone, he just asked if I would like to be roommates. N___ was a Christian, father to a grown daughter, and a good friend. He let me use his computer; this website had been just a single page size since 1990, and now it began to expand with several articles added in 1997. We were roommates, 1995-1999, until his family and career moved him to another city. Then, my son and I finally got our first place to live together on our own, a townhouse apartment, 1999-Present, and my own computer to expand the size and outreach of this website to its present size.
oday, I am finally a "real boy," just as Pinocchio became one. But, I did it not by being "brave, truthful or unselfish," but by being myself fully in Christ, not by "doing" but by "being."
I live in Topeka, Kansas, USA, the capital of Kansas, on the western edge of the greater Kansas City metropolitan area. I divide my time between Topeka and Kansas City, having family and friends in both places. My hobbies and interests also involve both communities.
I am a Librarian, since 1978; I do not work in a public library. I operate two libraries for women who are incarcerated, providing them with materials and services to help them in their treatment and rehabilitative processes. It is more than just being a typical librarian. You are often also a teacher, counselor, mentor, coach, friend, male role model, and pastor to them. It is personally very rewarding, but often mentally and emotionally exhausting work.
Additionally, I compose music, Classical and Celtic, mostly commissioned works for vocal, keyboard instruments, and the hammered dulcimer. I am trained in keyboard, vocal, and hammered dulcimer; I perform on occasion, and teach music lessons for the hammered dulcimer. My most recent music composition was an organ work in the Baroque music style for a Kansas City Cathedral celebrating their 60th anniversary.
I finally felt and found the "two as one" relationship when I met my life partner, Chris. Chris and I have been partners since 1995, friends even longer. Chris lives in Kansas City, Missouri, which is sixty miles east of Topeka, Kansas, and all part of the same large metropolitan area. We have too much invested in our employment and retirement benefits, so right now we do not live together; it is not a big drive, and we talk to each other regularly. Chris and I attend church in Kansas City, Missouri. Generally, we see each other on weekends, holidays, and other special times. Chris is very kind, quiet, independent, stubborn (though he stubbornly denies it), secure, and practical. He cares deeply about his family and other people, and is very professional and respected in his business. He once asked me why I love him, and I replied it is because he is so "boringly normal."
Our son, remains the pride and joy of my partner and I. He is now attending college, a Senior. I timed it out so that he could attend the same public high school that I attended. During his public school years, he was active in Scouts and Soccer, in music and Band, playing cornet, and almost always on the Honor Roll. I volunteered with the secondary school Band, traveled to competitions and sporting events; the students said I was their favorite parent/chaperone. In 2005, was honored to travel with him on a music tour of Europe (United Kingdom, France, Switzerland, Austria, Italy, and Germany); he performed in the band, and I sang in the choir. In 2006, I was a chaperone for him and the secondary school Band when it played in a national football Bowl Game. In many respects, it was like reliving my own high school experience, only this time I am fully accepting of myself and being my full self, now having positive and healthy self-esteem.
My mother died in 2001, after struggling with breast cancer for eight years; I miss her terribly, we were very close. My father died in 2009. My parents outlived their relatives, and being only children, like myself, it means I have no other blood relative except my son.
After learning to love and accept myself, it seems only natural it would move outwardly to be reflected in how I look, too. I began working out at a Gym, improving my strength and toning my body. I wish now I'd learned to do such when I was younger, but better late than never. In 2003, I was in an accident, damaged my knees, shoulders, wrists, and face. The doctor bluntly told me if I had not been exercising I would have injured myself more; I was able to strongly brace and absorb the impact. Later, I've developed an inherited form of arthritis, lost the partial use of my right thumb, can no longer lift heavy weight, have daily pain, and minor limited motion.
I have had only two real health issues in my life:
Well, truthfully, daily life is pretty routine, going to work, hobbies and interests at home, and spending time with Chris and our son. In between is laundry, chores, maintaining this website and answering its daily e-mails.
What are those hobbies and interests? Well, I enjoy Classical, Country, and Celtic Music; Theatre, especially musicals or mystery dramas; Disney Movies, of course, but also other types of movies, animated, action, musicals, dramas, and comedies; Classical, Medieval, Renaissance, Pre-Raphaelite Art; hobbies include Homer Laughlin Fiesta China; Wedgwood; the BBC television show Doctor Who items, DVDs/videos, and books; various types of Milton Bradley Monopoly Games; and Disney Pinocchio new and antique memorabilia. I enjoy window shopping, and learning new decorating ideas; Antiques; Cooking, and Fine Dining; love to Travel whenever I can afford it and find the time; my favorite Television channels are the History Channel, Food Network, Discovery, BBC, PBS, Travel, and, of course, the Disney Channel; my favorite Book topics include mystery, historical fiction, history, religion, psychology/sociology, and biographies (Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, Franklin D. Roosevelt, George Washington, Harry S Truman, etc.).
I collect Homer Laughlin original and new Fiesta China; theme and foreign editions of the Milton Bradley Monopoly Game; the BBC television show Doctor Who items, DVDs/videos, and books; and, Disney Pinocchio new and antique memorabilia, including original prints, drawings, and collectables.
I own one of the largest collections of BBC Television program Doctor Who memorabilia. Since I have been a librarian as a primary career for most of my life, I specialize in print material, like comics, books, annuals, plays, posters, short stories, etc. I own every existing television episode, along with all released audios. I also own way too many action figures, models, logo shirts, and other related items. I hold a World Record confirmed by the BBC for hosting a Doctor Who Club that met every week (minus occasional holidays and illnesses), taking five years, three months, and twenty-three days to watch every existing episodes in order; we still meet, went on to watch the Doctor Who Spin-Off Programs, and then decided to start over from the beginning. I am considered an expert on Doctor Who, speak and lecture at Comic Con and Doctor Who Conventions in the USA, United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, etc. Contact me for information on speaking in your area.
By accident, I own two of only four Homer Laughlin Fiesta Turquoise colored teacups still in existence, along with the only two matching saucers in existence. I inherited my American grandmother's Fiesta collection. I started filling in gaps in colors and individual items to create a more complete collection. In the 1980s, I purchased from a local antique mall an original mint condition green teapot, with mint condition two each matching teacups and saucers in the original six colors. When I got them home, and was washing them, I noticed the teacups looked different from the few I inherited from my grandmother. The inside bottom of the teacups were not round, but flat, and the matching saucers had a different pattern and number of decorative rings. At first, I thought I might have purchased fake Fiesta made in the 1930s. But, after contacting the company, I discovered I owned a rare set of teacups made within the first six months of production when it was introduced in 1936. That style of teacups and saucers proved to difficult to produce, and were redesigned. At the same time they were redesigned, the turquoise color was introduced. Thus, only four surviving teacups exist, and I own two of them, along with having the only two matching saucers ever produced. This rare find sparked a lifetime love for Fiesta and collecting it. Since I brought the find to the attention of the company, publications of books and price guides on Fiesta now include Flat-Bottomed Teacups and Saucers, including photographs from my collection. Prices for collectors of these rare teacups and saucers are double normal value, and I wouldn't even dare tell you the insurance value of my two turquoise teacups.
For those of you who just have to know... I am in my late 50s, 6'1", 175lbs, auburn hair, blue eyes, very short fashion stubble style auburn beard, glasses. I work out athletically when I can.
I oversee land and mineral interests I inherited from the American side of my family, located in Kansas, U.S.A. On my British side of the family, I maintain residences in London, England, United Kingdom, along with my responsibilities related to my family heritage and peerage.
If interested, you may view more pictures of my family and I.
Through the generations, members of my family had a history of either not marrying, or being only children; thus, my family has always been small. My son and I now remain the sole representatives of our family and peerage. Even the original estate south of Belfast, Northern Ireland, is now gone, and the home no longer there. But, my son and I continue our ties with Northern Ireland, London, and the United Kingdom, with regular visits there.
Our son graduated university in 2012 with a degree in Business, but did not find employment in a banking or financial institution because of the current economy difficulties. While at university, he worked as a stocker in a green grocers. He continued working there, management kept noticing him, being faithful and responsible. He was promoted as manager of the produce department. He now makes more money that I have in my employment after almost forty years (although, anyone who plans on going into the education or library field upfront knows you'll never make a lot of money). For many years he had a serious girlfriend. We thought they would marry, and we would soon become grandparents. But, surprising to all of us, she proved not as mature as believed, broke up with him to get involved with someone else ("why do women fall for 'bad guys' syndrome'). So, he is still single and dating.
I am four and one half years older than Chris. That was not an issue over twenty years ago; but, now we are heading towards retirement it is becoming one. I could have retired four years ago, but I am too young to be eligible for government health insurance in the USA, nor USA Social Security. So, I am continuing to work; I enjoy my work, but more and more I am mostly working for the insurance benefits, than I am for personal satisfaction. I also have to keep working for a few more years so that Chris can catch up with me, and become eligible for retirement in his employment. So, we are thinking we might both be able to retire in another two or three years.
What will we do after retirement? Hopefully, travel. I would like to go back and visit places across the world I have no seen since I was a teenager or in my twenties, show them to Chris (who has not traveled as extensively as I) along with visiting other places we have not seen. Hopefully, by then maybe our son will find someone, marry, settle down; we can watch him develop his life plan, and maybe be grandparents.
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